The Pale Ones read My Immortal
by KodyVoorhees7
Summary: Could we be any more unoriginal? I think not! TPO reads My Immortal, commonly regarded as the worst piece of fanfiction since Forbiden Fruits. Other band members may pop in and out. Rated M for curse words and sexual jokes and painful fanficness in general
1. Chapter 1

**Kylie: Hi my sexy followers and new readers! In the interest of drumming up publicity for myself and because I am an unoriginal bitch, I decided to do another My Immortal commentary with my babies, The Pale Ones!**

**Joe: I'm not involved in this.**

**Kylie: yes you are. Sit down and stop stealing my keyboard. Let's get on it! Bold shtuff is the commentary. Non bold is the actual story. If it can even be called that.**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **(Joe: yes, and I'm a horse.)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok!** (Joe: even Kodi knows how to use the spell check function on Word…)**Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX **(Pip: what did I just read?)**

Hi my name is Ebony **(Kylie: I'm Kylie, that whiny bitch is Joe, the one eating a crayon is Kodi, The creepypasta guy with the bottle of jack is Pip, the uber goth one is Al and that guy is Starfish.)** Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(Joe: JOE MOTHAFUKKIN CROW, BEYOTCH!)**

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(Pip: I'm pretty sure ebony and black mean the same thing…but I'm drunk. I wouldn't know.)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(Joe: I look like Sinister from Dope and Twisted Method!**

**Kylie: Don't be PROUD of that!)** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

I have pale white skin **(Al: Bet you're not as pale as me!)** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth**(Joe: -Invader Zim Voice- YOU'RE LYING!)** (in case you couldn't tell)

and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there **(Al: Hot Topic is still around?)** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots**(Pip: Joe has that outfit in his closet…**

**Joe: IT'S MY GIRLFRIENDS!)** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts.

It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Pip: awwww, a young Al!)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….

Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(Al: bitch, don't say 'fangs' as a pun for 'thanks' that is for horrorpunk only or for cheesy Halloween cards, not for little fake Goths.)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz **(Al: here you go again, I said DON'T do it, not continue it.)** to bloodytearz666 for helping me with the chapter! BTW preps stop flaming my story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Joe: shouldn't that be in a fridge? Not coagulating by your 'coffin'?)**

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **(Kodi: that sounds like Joe's room!**

**Joe: FOR THE LAST TIME THE HOT PINK STUFF IS MY GIRLFRIENDS!)**

I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven this is you!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(Pip: Al's everyday makeup routine in a nutshell.)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly "Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so f*cking don't!" I shouted. **(Kylie: oh god forbid you admit a crush to your friends!**

**Joe: do you like Frankie G from Skeleton kid?**

**Kylie: NO.)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(Kylie: -flirtily- Hi Joe.**

**Joe: get the fuck away from me)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.** (Al: why haven't we done a concert there!? Starfish, get me my cellphone, I'm going to call our manager!)**

"Oh. My. F*cking. God! I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR

"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(Pip: THE UTTER DRAMA! THE SUSPENSE!)**


	3. Chapter 3

(Chapter 3.

AN: Stop flaming the story preps, OK? Otherwise fangz to the goffik people for the good reviews. Fangz again raven!**(Kylie: It's another bird brain!)** Oh yeah, BTW I don't own this or the lyrics for Good Charlotte. **(Al: oh no, you own this. You don't get to not take responsibility for this fucked up mess, this is ALL YOU.)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels.

Underneath them were ripped red fishnetsThen I put on a black leather mini-dress with all this corset stuff on the back and front **(Al: 'all this corset stuff'. Do you mean lacing? Is that it?)**. I put on matching fishnet on my armsI straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.I read a depressing bookwhile I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **(Pip: what the hell is GC? Is it a new venereal disease?)**

I painted my nails black and put on TONS**(Kylie: EYELINER BY THE POUND!)** of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood **(Joe: I assumed you drank sheeps blood. Excuse my idiocy.)** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot of kewl boys wear it ok!) **(Kylie: Joe, you're one of those 'kewl' boys!)**

["Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz. the license plate said 666 and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down **(Starfish: You don't jump up and down in the moshpit. That is not moshing. That is jumping.)** as we listened to Good Charlotte

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Joel is so f*cking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. **(Starfish: since when can you have a heart to heart in the moshpit? Is that a thing now?)**Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(Starfish: while still in the moshpit. Nope. That's it. I give up on this generation.)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary f*cking Duff. I f*cking hate that little bitch. I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. **(Kylie: well I would HOPE you both had a great time after your little moment moshing with eachother) **After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees.

Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into…the Forbidden Forest! **(Pip: THE SUSPEEEEEEEENSE!)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. **(Al: IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS!)**

AN: I said stop flaming ok! Ebony's name is ENOBY not Mary Sue, ok! Draco is so in love with her that he is acting different! They knew each other before ok **(Kylie: your justification does not make it in any way more tolerable.) **

"Draco!" I shouted. "What the f*ck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the f*cking h*ll?" I asked angrily **(Al: It's like the girls' view on having sex with Joe! Creepy woods, eyeliner everywhere...)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **(Pip: dat depressing sorrow and evilness doe…)**and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.

Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly **(Joe: what is 'making out keenly'? Seriously, I can't think of any word that might be. Cleanly?)** against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **(Joe: You EVEN TOOK OFF YOUR BRA, what the fuck, this is not at all what I signed up for.) **Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what **(Pip: HE PUT HIS THINGY INTO MY YOU KNOW WHAT. OH GOD. I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T.) **and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an o*****. **(Joe: just say that you came, don't make this more awkward for everyone than it has to be.)** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE H*LL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERF*CKERS!" **(Pip: I STILL CAN'T. WHAT IS AIR. OH GOD.)**

It was…Dumbledore!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: Stop flaming! If you flame it means you're a prep or a poserThe only reason Dumbledore swore is because he had a headache ok, and on top of that he was mad at them for having sex!** (Joe: he isn't the only one…)**

PS I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **(Kylie: I went to go get a Mountain Dew, what just happened?)**

"You ludicrous fools!" he shouted. **(Pip: so much shouting…)**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

Draco comforted me. **(Joe, yep, that happens in high school when kids get caught having sex.) ** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse **(Kylie: no, they FUCKED) **in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "Because I love her!" **(Pip: OH GOD, IT JUST GETS BETTER. MY SIDES. MY SIDES.) **Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.

When I came out… **(Starfish: random dots here, just because, I suppose.)**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I Just Wanna Live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.

We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(Joe: and he never came back again and avoided her forever, the end. Let's go get McDonald's!)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shut up preps ok!

PS I won't update until you give me good reviews! **(Everyone: NEVER.)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end **(Kylie: it's called 'frayed'. The more you know…)** and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(Joe: you can just spraypaint your hair now? Do we have any of the silver spray paint leftover from when we made snowflakes?)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **(Kodi: wet t-shirt contest!)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up because I was looking into the pale white **(Al: why is everyone so pale? Even Kylie looks like she has some life in her and the shade of her skin is called 'corpse')** face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that it was going down his face **(Kylie: JESUS. GET ME SOME MAKEUP REMOVER.) **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forehead anymore

He had a manly stubble **(Pip: And here I thought stubble was girly. MY BAD.)** on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection**(Joe: Do I have to be the one that writes the sexual terms? YOU GOT WET.)** only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **(Pip: wait, we're reading a Harry Potter fanfic? I HAD NO IDEA!) **although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared **(Frankie G: MEAOR!)**.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(Al: off you go, bitch. Don't come back.**

**Kylie: -GIR voice- goodbye! Goodbye goodbye! Goodbye! She's getting eaten by a shark!)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me to life

AN: Well ok you guys I'm only writing this cause I got 5 good reviews **(Al: who the hell was dumb enough to give her 5 good reviews!?) **And BTW I won't write the next chapter until I get ten good ones! Stop flaming or I'll report you! Ebony isn't a Mary Sue ok she isn't perfect she's a Satanist! **(Joe: there are just so many things wrong with that sentence, the most important one being that this character is a Satanist)** And she has problems, she's depressed for god's sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: see, does that sound like a Mary Sue to you?). **(Kylie: well, since you asked….)**

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes

I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**(starfish: more dots. I know this is fanfiction and therefore it is expected to not be good but WHAT THE HELL.)**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **(Kodi: let me get this straight, you were passive and then you were enthusiastic. What…I…I don't even…)**

He felt me up before I took off my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy**(Pip: I seriously did a spit take when I read that. His boys thingy. It's like Kylie when there are kids around!)** in mine and we HAD SEX. (see, is that stupid?) **(Joe: YOU FINALLY SAID IT. GOOD GIRL.)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an o***** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words…Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **(Kylie: I think it has been established that, indeed, you were angry.)**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you f*cking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked.

He had a really big you-know-what **(Joe: HE HAD A BIG DI-**

**Kylie: NO JOE, CHILDREN READ THIS!) ** but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERF*CKER!" I yelled**(Kylie: that's how I'm waking all of you up from now on. I'm just going to kick open the door and scream 'VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!'**

**Pip: please don't.**

**Kylie: too late.)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: Stop flaming ok! If you do then you are a prep **(Kodi: I think we are all the opposite of prep here so if you can just stop, that would be great…**!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(Kylie: OH GOD EXPOSED MAN JUNK MY EYES! MY EYEEEEEES!)**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **(Al: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE NAMES. WHY. JUST WHY.) **smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hairand opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch **(Kylie: well, I'd assume so, since you ARE in Hogwarts for WITCHCRAFT andWIZARDRY.) ** but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **(Pip: I don't know what is going on.)** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted **(Kodi: ooooooooooohhh, I'm a ghost, oooooooooh…) **and depressed.

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now **(Starfish: Is THAT the criteria for Slytherin?) ** not Griffindoor. "What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony for a while but then he broke my heart. **(Pip: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHO IS SPEAKING OH MY GOD SOMEONE HOLD ME)**

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy f*cker.

We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep. **(Kylie: but would you hang out with a poser? No need to answer, I already know it's yes.)**)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah f*cking right! F*ck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest, where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: Stop flaming ok! I didn't read all the books! **(Kylie: really, no shit.)**

This is from the movie ok, so it's not my fault if Dumbledore swears!

Besides I said he had a headache! **(Kylie: when I get pissed at the guys that is actually my excuse so I won't give you too much shit for that one...)**

And the reason snap doesn't like Harry now **(Kylie: I don't think Snape ever actually liked Harry…Christian or not..)** is cause he's Christian and vampire is a Satanist. MCR ROX **(Joe: LIES! _LIIIIIIIIIES_!)**

I was so mad and sad, I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me, I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco **(Kodi: oh _EW_…)**

Then all of a suddenly, a horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie)**(Starfish: and in the books too…)** and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic It was… Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **(Pip: how high up off the ground was he? Jesus, what a little bitch…oh. Not you Joe.**

**Joe: fuck off, fatty.) **I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist **(Pip: Joe just fell off his chair he was laughing so hard.) **so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter

I thought about Vampire and his sexy eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(Everyone: NO FUCKING SHIT.)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(Starfish: but...you're a WITCH...you don't NEED a gun...)**"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco""How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on his face. **(Joe: I've had that look on my face since chapter 1…) **"I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly.

"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(Everyone: no.) **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **(Pip: just like you'll be if you keep this shit up, young lady.)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(Kodi: we were kind of intrigued by this part, so in the interest of SCIENCE, we had Joe and his lady friend try walking somewhere and making out. How did that go, Bird Boy?**

**Joe: didn't work.**

**Kodi: yeah that's what I thought. But it was for SCIENCE!) **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: Stop it you gay fags, if you do not like my story then f*ck off!

PS it turns out B'loody Mary isn't a muggle **(Starfish: if you mean Hermione, she was never a muggle..) **after all and she and vampire are evil that's why they moved houses ok!

I was really scared about Voldemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.

I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **(Joe: can you all stop staring at me and whispering 'Ebony'?) **People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it and Hargrid. **(Pip: what instrument would a drunken half giant hairy groundskeeper play? I mean come on now.**

**Kylie: I assume drums.)**

Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) **(Joe: I'll go get Jay Sin and have him bring steak and we can end this right here right now.)**

and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse BrideI put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs **(Kylie: I bet it's a push up bra. Tsk, tsk.)** and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(Joe: I think you're a slut and it has nothing to do with your clothes and more with the fact that you screwed a guy on the first date. In the woods. On a tree.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the f*ck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the f*cking bastard told me to f*cking kill Harry, But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will f*cking kill Draco."I burst into tears. **(Pip: she has the vocabulary of Kodi.**

**Kodi: fuck off you fucking hippie drummer, I'll kick your fuckin ass.)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **(Al: not a closet? Ok, whatever.)**

"Why didn't you f*cking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you f*cking poser muggle bitch!" (see, is that out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying

We practiced for one more hour **(Kylie: did he really just insult you, and run out crying and you were like 'fuck it' and kept playing?)**.

Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(Kylie: or…was it?)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely (See that's basically not swearing **(Kodi: that's not 'basically' not swearing, that's just not swearing.) **and this time he was really upset and you will see why)

"Ebony, Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists. **(Al: good riddance. Jesus. He was more angsty than Joe losing his eyeliner.**

**Joe: He was more angsty than Al spending a day apart from his wife.**

**Kodi: you both are fucking angsty, can we move the fuck on alfuckingready?)**"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: I said stop flaming you preps! See if this chapter is stupid! It deals with really serious issues! **(Al: yes, Enoby breaks a nail and her boyfriend realizes he used her eyeliner)**

P.S. See for yourself if it's stupid, BTW fangz to my friend raven for helping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrified. B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her to f*ck off and I ran to my room crying to myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room because he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists.

They got all over my clothes **(Pip: yeah, that happens to me when I go into attention whore mode and slit my wrists. Blood all over my clothes. Messy.) ** so I took them offand jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.

I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **(Joe: how do you stab a hunk of beef into your heart? Is that even possible?)** I was so f*cking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with laceall over it sadly. I put on black high heelswith pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't f*cking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snape was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **(Joe: he was…chewing?)**

They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"Ew, you f*cking pervs, stop looking at we naked! Are you pedos or what!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!"he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(Kylie: FEAR THE WRATH OF MY WOMANLY WOMB!)**

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

Suddenly, Dumbledore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - Nooooooooooooo!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…**(Starfish: MORE. FUCKING. DOTS.)**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student! **(Pip: isn't he the groundskeeper? I could've sworn he was the groundskeeper.)**"

"This cannot be." Snape said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumbledore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors

"You don't have any!" I yelled in madly. **(Al: is anyone else actually able to follow this? I'm trying my hardest and I don't think I can…)**

Loopin held up the camera triumphantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there! (**Joe: OPTIMISM! YOU GO!)**"

I felt faint, more than I normally do **(Kylie: if you normally feel faint THERE IS A FLIPPIN ISSUE.)**like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook **(Joe: is he still masturbating while all this is going on? What…?)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"Because…because…" Hagrid said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" **(Al: I have tried to hold it in, I seriously have tried but HOLY FLIPPIN' CRAP IT IS SPELLED G-O-T-H-I-C! You frickin –edited out because we don't want to explain Al's messed up slang-.) **Snape asked in a little afraid voice because he was afraid it meant he was connected with Satan. **(Kodi: according to you though it is…continuity, you has none.)**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Kylie: NOT THIS AGAIN.)**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

AN: Stop flaming ok Hagrid is a pedo too, a lot of people in American schools are like that. I wanted to address the issue! How do you know Snape isn't Christian plus Hagrid isn't really in love with Ebony that was Cedric ok!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Draco had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **(Joe: suicide plans are hilarious when they're in shitty fanfiction)**

"No!" I thought it was Hagrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG Nooooo! My scar hurts!" and then…his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. "How did you know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"No!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me **(Kodi: but you said he didn't have a scar anymore. YOU NEED CONTINUITY BITCH!)** and I always cover it up with foundation"

he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! Then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…Voldemort has him bondage

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists.

Snape and Loopin and Hagrid were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were paedophilesand you can't have those f*cking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot girls. Dumbledore had constipated **(Pip: he did WHAT now with the video? Oh god no ewwwwww) **the video camera they took of me naked.

I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway, Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses

"Enoby I need to tell you something." he said in a very serious voice, giving me the roses.

"F*ck off." I told him. "You know I f*cking hate the color pink anywayand I don't like f*cked up prepslike you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being goffic.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(Joe: they're hiding places for my hallucinogenic drugs.)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep"I asked because I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't" I replied. "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **(Kylie: porn! Not a p-video, PORN! PORNOGRAPHY!) **made from your shower scene and being viewed by Snap and Loopin." Who mastabated (see, is that spelled wrong?) to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angrily.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **(Joe: THEY ARE HIDING PLACES FOR MY HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS!) ** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered "Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you had to say!".

"That's not a spell that's an MCRsong." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio (for all you cool goffik MCR fans out there, that is a tribute! Especially for raven I love you girl!) imo noto okayo!"**(Al: imo noto okayo. No. Fuck this. I'm out. If I read any more of this I'm going to punch a kitten. I CAN'T DO IT.)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black.

Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK, I believe you, now where the f*ck is Drako?"

Hagrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could see nothing.

"You see, Ebony," Dumbledore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "To see what is in the flames (Haha you reviewers flame, geddit ?) you must find yourself first, K?"

"I have found myself ok you mean old man!" Hargrid yelled.

Dumbledore looked shocked. I guess he didn't have a headache **(Pip: again with the headaches. I think Dumbledore is hungover or he has chronic migraines.)** or else he would have said something back.

Hagrid stormed off back into his bed. "You are a liar, professor Dumbledore!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather mini-dress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **(Joe: please tell me those do not exist and she is just making stuff up.)**I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if you don't know who she is you're a prep so f*ck off! and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **(Kylie: black lipgloss over lipstick. I kind of want to try that. Joe, get the lipstick!)**

"You look kawaii girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly, but I was still upset.

I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **(Joe:…that sounds kind of hot- no. No. Not hot.)**

I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snape and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.

I went to some classes.

Vampire was in Care of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco.**(Pip: I too, once loved Draco.)**

He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(Starfish: is he just eating another student? And nobody is saying anything? WHY YOU DO THIS.)**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an equally sad way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then…we jumped on each other and started screwing each other

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **(Kodi: horny simpletons, oh my god I am laughing so hard)** shouted Professor McGogglewho was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you f*cker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! Nooooo! My scar hurts!" and then…. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted **(Kylie: why do I feel like this just happened?**

**Kodi: because it just did. Trust me, I'm a scientist.)**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…Voldemort has him in bondage!"

Special fangz to raven my goffic blood sister wty you're supposed to write this!

Hey raven, do you know where my sweater is?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13.

AN: Raven fangz for helping me again I'm sorry I took your poster of Gerard but that guy is such a f*cking sex bomb! **(Kylie: noooo, Virus from Dope is a sex bomb. Gerard is a cute muffin, nothing more.)**Preps stop flaming!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **(Al: I'm scared too. I found out how many frikkin chapters are in this thing.)**

"Dumbledore Dumbledore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Voldemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Joe: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged **(Starfish: are they shouting things in sync? That's…kind of weird..)**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **(Kylie: I don't give a damn what Voldemort does to you, Kodi.)** Not after how much he misbehaved in school, especially with you Ebony he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away.

Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned (AN: don't you think gay guyz are like so hot! **(Joe: Kylie is grinning at me and snickering now.)**)

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…suddenly we were in Voldemort's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon **(Kodi: a croon voice? Crooning voice? Cruel voice maybe if you stretch your vocabulary waaaaaay out?)** voice say. "Allah Kedavra

It was…Voldemort! **(Pip: NO SHIT IT WAS VOLDEMORT I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE VOLDEMORT SINCE IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE IN HIS LAIR OR ANYTHING, NO, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FRANKIE MOTHAFUKKIN G.)**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

AN: F*ck off preps ok! Raven fangz for helping again. I'm sorry I couldn't update but I was depressed and I had to go to the hospital because I slit my wrists.

PS I'm not updating until you give me 10 good reviews!

WARNING: Some of this chapter is extremely scary. **(Joe: according to who, a two year old with severe phobias of everything?)** Viewer excretionadvised.

We ran to where Voldemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was.

Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail **(Starfish: Wormtail. Because he turns into a rat.)**was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun. **(Kylie: I'm 90 percent sure you are still a witch and a wizard so, um, you mind using your FRIKKIN MAGIC!?)**

He then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes"Ebony-I-love-you-will-you-have-sex-with-me." **(Pip: that's how I asked Kirsty out the first time we met.**

**Kylie: it is not.**

**Pip: -quietly- I know.) **he said.(in this he is sixteen yrs old so he's not a paedophile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Ebony I love you will you have sex with me?" **(Kylie: Virus, I love you, will you have sex with me?) **asked Snaketail.

I started laughing crudely. "What the f*ck? You torture my boyfiend and then you expect me to f*ck you? God, you are so f*cked up you f*cking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart.

Blood poured out of it like a fountain. **(Joe: that must be a freaking mess to clean up, I mean, seriously, blood STAINS, you know…)**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around Then he fell down and died. I burst into tears sadly.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called … he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(Kodi: clicky clacky clicky clacky…)**

So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts

We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw **(Joe: that was an accurate word used to describe sex. Good job.)**

He had a sex-pack (geddit 'cause he is so sexy) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(Joe: a penis?)**

"Its so unfair!" I yelled. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all the other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such f*cking sluts." **(Pip: but Enoby, oh no, she's such an upstanding example of morals…)** answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **(Joe: that really isn't an indication of love.) **Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me!"

"I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **(Joe: because he doesn't exist, probably…)** I shouted angrily.

(and don't worry Ebony isn't a snob or anything but a lot of people have told her she's pretty **(Kylie: I would kill to have a lot of people call me pretty. –eyes Kodi who starts scooting away-)**) "I'm good at too many things! Why can't I just be normal? **(Pip: you COULD be normal…but then who would be the object of our hatred!) **It's a f*cking curse!" I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

AN: Stop flaming ok! BTW you suck, from now on every time someone flames me I'm going to slit my wrists. Fangz to raven your helping!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now you can go and have sex with Vampire!" I shouted

I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **(Joe: if that key is real, I want- no. I NEED it.)** It had a picture of Marilyn Manson on it. He looked so sexy **(Kylie: someone called Marilyn Manson sexy? EWWWWWWW…)**in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire, I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed.

Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class **(Starfish: when did they get biology in Hogwarts?)**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt **(Kodi: do you mean studded? Spiky things don't get sold anymore…)**. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. **(Kylie: put your hair out. What…I…)**

Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did some advanced Biology work **(Kylie: what would you know of advanced biology!? I HAVE STUDIED THE MATING PATTERNS OF THE FLUFFBALL PENGUIN! I HAVE GONE OVER MITOSIS AND MEIOSIS SO MANY TIMES IT'S THE ONLY THING I THINK ABOUT DURING SEX! I HAVE SAILED THE OCEANS LOOKING FOR AN EXAMPLE OF A COLONY OF BACTERIA ON CORAL! SPEAK NOT OF ADVANCED BIOLOGY, YA WHORE!)**

I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(Joe: I don't think I took biology but I'm pretty sure this is not it…) **Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!

"Ebony I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I don't care what those f*cker preps and posers think."

"You're the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna f*cking be with you. I f*cking love you!." Then…he started to sing "The Chronicles of Life and Death (we considered it our song now because we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class!

His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: Don't you think those guys are so hot? If you don't know who they are get the f*ck out of here!) . **(Pip: I don't know who any of those people are.)**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some f*cking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them.

"I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (I f*cking hate that bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped because everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked together **(Kodi: that's what I do when a couple I find particularly sexy do anything together.)**.

Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmeade right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went together. **(Kylie: have fun! Don't come back until you're canon!)**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

AN: You know what! Shut up ok! Prove to me you're not preps!

Raven you suck you f*cking bitch give me back my f*cking sweater you're supposed to write this! Raven wtf you bitch you're supposed to do this! **(Pip: she got out before it was too late. It's not too late for us. We could still run. We could escape.)**

BTW fangz to _britney5655___for checking my Japanese!

We ran happily to Hogsmeade. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happily. MCR was there playing "Helena". I was so f*cking happy! **(Joe: she gets HAPPY?) **Gerard looked even sexier than he did in the pictures.

Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter because I knew know that we were the only true ones for each other

I was wearing a black leather mini-dress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. **(Kodi: I think we need to do another science experiment! Oh Bird boy!) **We ran up to the front of the band to stage-dive

Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was…Voldemort and the Death Dealers **(Kylie: when did Selene get involved in this?)**

"WTF Draco I'm not going to a concert with you!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if it's MCR and you no how much I like them

"What because we…you know…" he fidgeted uncomfortably because guys don't like to talk about you-know-what. **(Joe: LET ME TELL YOU WHY THAT'S BULLSHIT!)**

"Yeah 'cause we you know!" I yelled in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an escort!**(Pip: it's me. I'm the escort. I even have a ruler to measure how far apart their bodies are supposed to be from eachother.)**

"OMFG WTF are you giving into the mainstream?" **(Kodi: giving into the mainstream. I guess that's one way to put it.) ** I asked. "So I guess you're a prep or a Christian or what now?"

"No." he muttered loudly.

"Are you becoming a prep or what?" I shouted angrily.

"Ebony! I'm not! Please come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'The World is Black' by GC to me.

I was flattered because that's not even a single **(Al: Kylie knows the words to nearly every TDQM and Al B Damned song ever and none of them are singles…)**, he had memorized the lyrics just for me

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched for a while and I went up to my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite girl." she said happily (she speaks Japanese so do I. **(Joe: I think Kodi speaks Japanese, you could always run shit by him.)** That means 'how do you do' in Japanese.)

"BTW, Willow, that f*cking poser, got expelled. She failed all her classes and she skipped math." (AN: raven you f*cking suck! F*ck you!)

"It serves that f*cking bitch right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we were feeling all depressed. We watched some goffik movies like The Nightmare Before Christmas **(Al: that movie is gothic? SINCE WHEN!?) ** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mary shook her head energetically lethargically. **(Kodi: muchina fushidara na onna)**

"Oh yeah, I have a confession, after she got expelled I murdered her and then Loopin did it with her cause he's a necrophiliac. **(Al/Kylie: NECROPHILA!? WHERE!)**"

"Kawaii." I commented happily. **(Kodi: dai shite kudasai..)** We talked to each other in silence for the rest of the movie.

"Oh hey BTW, I'm going to a concert with Draco tonight in Hogsmeade with MCR." I said. "I need to wear like the hottest outfit ever!"

B'loody Mary nodded energetically. "OMFG totally lets go shopping

"At Hot Topic, right?" **(Joe but of course! Where else would you go to get your 'goffick' slut gear!) ** I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic Loyalty card

"No." My head snapped up.

'What?" my head spun. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are you a prep?"

"Noooo! Noooo!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffik stores near Hogwarts that's all

"Who told you about them" I asked sure it would be Draco or Diabolo or Vampire **(Al: these names make my soul die a little bit at a time…)** (don't even SAY that name to me!

"Dumbledore" She said. "Let me just call our brooms."

"OMFG Dumbledore?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punk-goff stores especially for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG hotter than Gerard except not because that's impossible and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for the real goffs. **(Joe: damn, if I got free shit for being a real goth I'd never have to go shopping again.)**"

"The real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yeah you wouldn't believe how many posers there are in this town man! Yesterday Loopin and Snape tried to buy a goffik camera pouch **(Kylie: that exists?)**." He shook his head. "I didn't even know they had a camera."

"OMFG no they're going to spy on me again!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **(Al: that is entirely too impractical for a concert young lady, go put on jeans and a t shirt right now.)**

"Oh my Satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totally hot." said B'loody Mary.

"You know what I am going to give it to you free 'cause you look really hot in that outfit. **(Joe: SEE!?) **Hey are you going to be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Tara Way **(Al: oh my fuck that is a mouthful.)** what's yours"

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so because I am going there with my boyfriend Draco you sick perv!" I yelled angrily

But before he could beg me to go with him, Hagrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG **(Kodi: I could do without the omg or omfg's every time there is something startling about to happen, thanks.) ** Ebony you need to get back into the castle now!"

**A/N: I used a translate site for Kodi's Japanese sayings since I couldn't get a hold of him, so if they're so off and wrong, please for the love of god let me know. They are; You are an ignorant slut and please go die.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

AN: I said stop flaming the story! If you're a prep then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz, it's on my homepage. If you're not then you rock. If you are then f*ck off! Please Willo isn't really a prep.**(Joe: YES SHE IS!)** Raven please do this. I'll promise to give you back your poster!

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes and stuff for free. He said he would help us with makeup if he wanted 'cause he was really into fashion and stuff. (he's bisexual **(Al: so is everyone else in this story. At this point, I assume every boy in the story is interested in fucking other guys.)**).

Hagrid kept shouting at us to come back to Hogwarts

"WTF Hagrid?" I shouted angrily. "F*ck off you f*cking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hagrid went away angrily.

"Hey bitch, you look kawaii." she said. **(Kodi: anata ha watashiha konekowopanchi shitai koto.)**

"Yeah, but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly because Willow's really pretty and everything. **(Kodi: watashiha watashino jinseiga daikirai…)**

She was wearing a short black corset-thingy, with blood red lace(Why is it always red? Why not purple, or green?

Kody: I like green!) on it and a black blood-red (How is it black and yet blood red?) miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black pointy boots that showed off how pale she was. She had a really nice body with big boobs and everything. **(Joe: ooh, and EVERYTHING?)** She was thin enough to be anorexic. **(Pip: oh nonononononono not healthy nonononono)**

"So are you going to the concert with Draco?" she asked.

"Yeah." I said happily.

"I'm goi ng with Diabolo." she answered happily.

Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both looking extremely hot and sexy and you could tell they thought we were hot to.

Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' ) on it. He was wearing tons **(Kylie: POUNDS of makeup! POUNDS!) ** off makeup just like Marilyn Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from the Warped Tower. B'loody Mary was going to the concert with Dracola. Dracola used to be called Neville but it turned out that he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires.

They died in a car crash. Neville converted to Satanism and he went goth. **(Al: absolutely. When I went goth they told me I had to convert to Satanism or I couldn't be a goth.)**

He was in Slytherin now. He was wearing a black Warped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair with red streaks in it. We call him Dracula now.

Well anyway we all went to Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit because we're goffik. that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crack. Draco and I made out. We made fun of those stupid f*cking preps. **(Kodi: DAMN YOU, PREPPY KIDS! YOU'RE SO POLITE AND WELL BEHAVED AND GOOD AT MATHS!)**

We soon got there…I gasped. **(Kylie: you sure do gasp a lot. Do you have asthma?)**

Gerard was the sexiest guy ever! He looked even sexier then he did in his pics **(Kylie: Gerard's like 35. He's completely unsexy now, due to his advanced age.**

**Starfish/Pip: HEY!)**

He had long raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. He was really skinny and he had an amazing ethnic **(Kodi: I just spent 5 minutes giggling over Gerard Way having an 'ethnic' voice. My sides. What is air.) **voice.

We moshed to "Helena" **(Starfish: you can't…well…I mean if you were really DEDICATED you could mosh to it but…) **and some other songs.

Suddenly Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the other members. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man

with no nose and red eyes. Everyone ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came **(Joe: wow, right there in the mosh pit. I've heard stranger things honestly, but I wasnot expecting it in a fanfic.)**.

It was…Voldemort and the Death Dealers!

"You moronic idiots!" he shouted angstily.**(Joe: LIKE AL. HE SHOUTED ANGSTILY LIKE AL.) ** "Ebony, I told you to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now…I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Suddenly a gothic old man flew in on his broomstick. He had long black hair and a long black bread **(Joe: long black bread. Did anyone else get confused by this even though they know it's supposed to be a beard?)**. He was wearing a black robe that said 'Avril Lavigne' **(Kylie: I want a robe that says 'Gir' on it..) **on the back. He shot a spell and Voldemort ran away. It was…Dumbledore!

**(Kodi Japanese translations!: You make me want to punch a kitten and I hate my life.)**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

AN: I said stop flaming! If you do then you're a f*cken prep**. **Fangz to raven for the help and stuff, you rock! And you're not a prep. Fangz for my sweater **(Al: say fangz again bitch, I DARE you.)**

PS The other reason Dumbledore swore is because he trying to be goffik **(Kodi: wait, only goth people can swear? Is that the new rule? Jesus fuck.) **so there!

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyeshadow, blood-red lipstick **(Joe: bitch nobody cares about your makeup. Every time you bring up your makeup I'm going to start in on MY makeup and NO ONE WANTS THAT.)** and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly**. **I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **(Kylie: aww, it thinks it's so grown up and cool!)**

(The night before Draco and I went back to the skull **(Al: don't use 'skull' either, what the hell!?)** (geddit skull because I'm goffik and I like death**) **Dumbledore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red.

There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what**(Joe: sex. You did it. You did the nasty. You fucked eachother's brains out. Come on now, get it together ho.) **to a Linkin Park song. **(Pip: since when is Linkin Park appropriate to have sex to?) **

Well anyway I went down to the Great Hall. There all the walls were painted black and the tables were black too. But you could see that there was pink paint underneath the black paint. **(Kylie: I never pictured the Great Hall as being PINK…)**

And there were posters of poser bands **(Pip: Poser bands…like Milli Vanilli?)** everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Charlotte t-shirt, black fishnetsand black pointy boots.**(Kylie: random question, do any of them have arm warmers? That's kind of a requirement for itty bitty gothlings.) **Willow was wearing a long gothic black dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. **(Kodi: OH MY GOD NO ONE CARES.) **Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. **(Kylie: right there, in the middle of the Great Hall? Well that is embarrassing. Poor batsards.) **We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong**. **The boys joined in because they were bi **(Joe: this might be the most accurate part of the story. Eric Griffin is hot. No shame.)**

"Those guys are so f*cking hot." Neville was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything **(Joe: what does 'everything' entail?)**came. He was the same one who had chassed away Voldemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had diedhis hair black.

"…Dumbledore!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Voldemort **(Starfish: yes, a goth Dumbledore, that will certainly scare him away and not send the evilest man on earth into a laughing fit.)**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As you can see I gave the room a makeover. What do you think about it.

Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindorstarted to cheer. While we goths just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was! **(Joe: THOSE EVIL POSERS THAT DON'T DO ANYTHING!)**

"BTW you can call me Albert."**(Kylie: that isn't…even Dumbledore's name…)** He called as we left to our classes.

"What a f*cking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we went to Transfiguration. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous.

I could see him crying bloodin a gothic way **(Kodi: why the hell is he crying, did he stub his toe or some shit?) **(geddit, way like Gerard** )**but I didn't say anything.

"I bet he's having a mid-life crisis**!"** Willow shouted. **(Joe: everyone is laughing really hard so I'm the only one to type this. –ahem-. You….DENSE motherfucker.)**

I was so f*cking angry **(Pip: …why?)**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19. I'm not ok I promise **(Everyone: we know.)**

AN: Please stop flaming the story, if you do you're a f*cking prep and you're jealous ok! **(Al: wait, wait, I think I've heard this before!)**

From now on I'm going to delete you're mean review! BTW Ebony is a pureblood so there! **(Starfish: what does that have to do with anything? I mean, besides proving that your character is a blatant Mary Sue…)**

Fangz to raven for the help!

All day we sat angrily thinking about Dumbledore. We were so f*cking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too; the MCR concert. **(Joe: but I thought it already happened…)**It had been postponed, so we could all go

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (aren't sensitive bi guys so hot**(Joe: yes. I mean. Yes.) **?

"No one f*cking understands me!" he shouted angrily as his black hairwent in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in "Boulevard of Broken Dreams". **(Kylie: oh the angst of being goffick!) **He was wearing black baggy paints, **(Kodi: so I went to the beach today**.) a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. **(Kodi: it was fun, I got high and stared at the sea.)**(geddit, instead of tie 'cause I'm goffik) I was wearing a black leather low cut top **(Kodi: I didn't go in the water though.)**with chains all over it**.** and a black leather mini, black high heeled boots and a cross belly thing.**(Kodi: because kids piss in it and I was way too busy figuring out a new theorem.)** My hair was all up in a messy really high bun like Amy Leein Going Under. (email me if you wanna see the pic)

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **(Al: WAAAAAH PAY ATTENTION TO ME WAAAH!)**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You f*cking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it f*cking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was too late. I knew what I heard **(Pip: what exactly did you hear besides some bisexual 'goth' bitch whining and crying like a p****?)**. I ran to the bathroom angrily, crying. Draco banged on the door. I wept and wept as my bloody eyeliner streamed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my face **(Kylie: yeah, when I cry I think about how cool my eyeliner looks streaking down my face, certainly not 'FUCK NOW I HAVE TO REDO THIS GODDAMMIT'.)**like Benji in the video for "Girls and Bois"!)(raven that is soo our video!)I took out a cigarette and started to smoke pot

Suddenly Hagrid came. He had appearated. **(Kylie: oh hello Hagrid!)**

"You gave me a f*cking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "WTF do you think you're doing in the girl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hagrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it to be Tom Riddle **(Joe: this is why we think you're a slut. This.) **or maybe Draco but it was Dumbledore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wannabe-goffik purse "What are you wearing to the concert?"

"You know who MCR are!" I gasped. **(Pip: even I know who My Chemical Romance is and I hate all these dumb fake emo boy bands.)**

"No, I just saw there was a concert that a lot of goths and punks were going to." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for you." **(Pip: OH GOD THE SUSPENSE I CANNOT TAKE IT)**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20.

AN: I said I don't care what you think! **(Kylie: then stop bitching about 'flamers' in every single authors note…)** Stop flaming, ok preps! Fangz to raven for the help! Oh yeah, btw, I'll be on vacation in Transylvania for the next 3 days **(Al: why would you even want to go there? Is it fun? KYLIE BOOK US A SHOW THERE I WANT TO SEE THE APPEAL.) **so don't expect updates.

All day I wondered what the surprise was **(Pip: it's my dick. I'm a giver like that.)**. Meanwhile, I put on a black leather mini,**(Kodi: I like cupcakes.)** a black corset **(Kodi: especially chocolate ones.)**with purple lace stuff all over it, **(Kodi: and lots of sprinkles.)** and a black gothic compact boots.

MCR was going to do the concert again, since Voldemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed to MCR in my bedroom all night **(Starfish: and you didn't mangle your arm? You are doing something wrong. Remember, it's up the road not across the street.)**, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on some black clothes and moshing **(Starfish: jumping and headbanging is not moshing…) **to "Thank you for the Venom" . I got all mad and turned it off, but secretly I hoped inside that it was Draco **(Pip.)** so we could do it again.

"What the f*cking h*ll are you doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Lupin! "Are you gonna come rape me or what?" **(Joe: maybe he will, maybe he won't and I can't say I would be all that disturbed if he did.)** I yelled

I was allowed to say that **(Kodi: in what corner of the globe are you allowed to say that to a teacher!?)**because Dumbledore had told us all to be careful around him and Snape since he was a pedo.

"No, actshelly (geddit, h*ll)) can I please borrow some condoms." he growled angrily

"Yah, so you can f*ck your six-year-old girlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarcastically

"F*cker." He said, going away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. (Joe: stop bitch, just stop, you look like a cracked out whore with severe daddy issues and nobody looks good with white foundation or black lipstick let alone together at once.) Then I went. Then I gasped …Snake and Loopin were in the middle of the empty hall, doing it, and Dobby was watching! **(Pip: what an unexpected and exciting turn of events! Sex in front of an elf that looks like a hairless cat! How sexy!)**

"Oh my god you ludicrousidiot!" they both shouted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. They got up, though. Normally I wood have been turned on (I love seeing guys do it) (Kylie: when have you ever actually seen two guys having sex!? Because I promise you it is not sexy or fun.) but both of them were f*cking preps. (btw snake is moved to griffindor now) **(Al: Yada yada yada, I'm going to go order Chinese, do you guys want anything?)**

"WTF is that why you wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (see, I spelled that

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed **(Pip: why would he need to spell it out for you? Condoms are sort of explanatory on their own…) **.

"You dimwit!." Snake began to shout angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. You could see that they were naked and everything. **(Kylie: OH GOD SNAPE NAKED MY EYES GET ME BRAIN BLEACH!)**

"Well excuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was that all about?"

"It was to blackmail you." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you can't f*cking rat me out or I'll show this to Dumbledork.

So f*ck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and they tripped over it.

Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely f*cking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's being a f*cking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum. **(Joe: well that's awful. I'm sorry, that is truly depressing.)**" Vampire said shaking his held. "You wanna cum with me **(Pip: give it time, soon this will be Bird Boy's pick up line…)**? To the concert?"

Then…. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious blackhad given it to him. The license plate on the front said MCR666 on it. The one on the back said 'ENOBY' on it.

…I gasped. **(Kodi: gasp again and I swear it will be your last one.)**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR was there, playing.

Vampire and I began to make out, moshing to the music. **(Kodi: we already proved this was scientifically impossible without horrible injury, so stop.) **I gasped, **(Kodi: WHAT DID I SAY!?)** looking at the band

I almost had an o*****

Gerard was so f*cking hot! He began to sing 'Helena' and his sexy beautiful voice began to fill the hall…and then, I heard some crying. I turned and saw Draco, crying in a corner **(Kylie: that was random. And really dumb.) **.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

AN: F*ck you ok! You f*cking suck. It's not my fault if it's spelled wrong ok, 'cause that bitch raven 'cause it f*ck you preps! Whoops sorry raven fangz for the help

BTW Transylvania rocks hard! I even got to go to the castle where Dracula was filmed **(Kylie: this was already pointed out in another commentary but I feel the need to repeat it. Dracula was not filmed in Transylvania. Dumb bitch.)**!

Later we all went in the skull.

Draco was crying in the common room. "Draco are you okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **(Al: what does a gothic voice sound like? Is it all wise and sexy, like mine? Huh? Huh? Guys? Stop laughing!)**

"No I'm not you f*cking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He started to run out of the place in a suicidal way. (Joe: how do you run out in a suicidal way? These descriptions are making next to no sense.)I started to cry because I was afraid he would commit suicide.

"It's ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortingly. "I'll make him feel better."

"You mean you'll go f*ck him don't you!" **(Pip: or Joe will! Not me though, I'm incredibly heterosexual.) **I shouted angrily. Then I ran to get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come **(Joe: BWAHAHAHAHAHA IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY.)**!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face.

I was so turned on because I love sensitive bi guys. (if you're a homophone **(Kylie: I laughed too hard at this but I majored in English and nobody else got it…)** then f*ck of!)

And then…we heard some footsteps! Vampire got out his black invincibility coke

We both got under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **(Pip: Mr…CHUCK Norris?)**there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHO'S THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come** (Kodi: oh that is just gross)**. He went under the invisibility cloak and started to meowloudly.

"IS ANYONE THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No f*ck you, you preppy little poser son of a f*cking bich! Vampire said under his breast **(Pip: …boobies.)** in a disgusted way.

"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME WHO SAID THAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **(Pip: GET HIM, MR CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS!)** Then he heard Filch meow. "Filth is there anyone under the cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then…Vampire frenched me! He did it just as…Mr. Norris was taking off the cloak!

"WHAT THE-" he yelled but it was too late 'cause now we were running away from him. And then we saw Draco crying and bursting into tears and slitting his wrists outside of the school. **(Kylie: the angst in that chapter made me physically sick.)**

"Draco!" I cried. "Are you okay?"

"I guess though." Draco wept. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. **(Kodi: why do they keep doing this shit, WE PROVED THAT WAS SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.)**

Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (see, isn't that depressing?) on the gothic red bed together.

As I was about to put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Fug and the Mystery of Magic walked into the school! **(Pip: oh look Kylie, another shitty cliffhanger!)**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22.

AN: STFU! Preps stop flaming ok, if you don't like it f*ck off. I know it's Mr. Noris its raven's fault ok! You suck! No just kidding raven you f*cking rock, preps suck!

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic.

Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing black lacy leather pajamas **(Kodi: I bought sherbert flavoured gum today. It was ok I guess. Not great.)**.

Then I gasped.**(Kylie: do you have asthma?)**

Standing in front of me were... B'loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

I opened my crimson **(Kylie: do you have any other words to describe the color red? I mean…come on now, crimson is getting a bit old.)** eyes.

**(Kodi: Joe's going to help me with the next couple paragraphs. Be prepared for slutty clothes descriptions…)**

Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. **(Kodi: how's your new side project coming along?)** Under that she wore a black poofy skirt with lace on it **(Joe: pretty good, we got a couple shows lined up for the next month.) **and black gothic boots that were attached to the top. **(Kodi: oh cool, where?)**

Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt **(Joe: Manchester, Poole, all over England really.)** and baggy black pants and Vans. **(Kodi: Have you seen my Hello Kitty shirt?)**

Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt **(Joe: no, what does it look like?)** and black jeans and a leather jacket.** (Kodi: black with a zombie Hello Kitty head on it.)** He looked just like Gerard Way, and almost as f*cking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden.

. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress **(Joe: it might be in the laundry, did you check there?)** that she had ripped so it showed of all her cleavage with a white apron **(Kodi: yeah, it wasn't there. I wore it like 3 weeks ago to a gig and now I can't find it.)** that said 'bich'and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once.

Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too.

She was wearing a ripped gothic black dress **(Joe: check the stage gear in the garage, you got sick after that show and took your hoodie and shirt off to cool down.) **with ripped stuff all over it **(Kodi: oh yeah, I remember that. Thanks.)**and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. **(Joe: for sure.)** So were Crab and Goyle.

It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire.

He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. **(Kylie: with what else would you slit them? I'm not being sarcastic, I really would like to know.)**

He had raped them and stuff **(Pip: is it bad that I'm not even disturbed by this? That this is how awful this fanfic is?) **before too.

They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.

"OMFG" I yelled as I jumped up. "Why the f*ck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really f*cked up. **(Starfish: yes. This entire story.)**" Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my f*cking clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **(Starfish: stop being so angry! Just sit here and do some tequila shots with me and Kodi.)**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii **(Kodi: kawaii is not a term used for everything…it's for fluffy bunnies and…and..**

**Kylie: and you…**

**Kodi: and me- WAITAMINUTE.) **anyway. You're so f*cking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why you're being all erective. (Joe: because he's horny, duh.)

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came.**(Kylie: I look really hot after doing my makeup sometimes but I've never came right there after doing it…)**

We all went outside the Great Hall and looked in from a window. A f*cking prep called Britney from Gryffindor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. **(Kylie: HA. DumbleDORK.)**

Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS! yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge.

"YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! **(Kylie: Alzheimers isn't dangerous…)**

YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "But we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.**(Everyone: OF FUCKING COURSE.)**"

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped **(Al: do you need an inhaler?)**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

AN: Shut the f*ck up bitches! You're just jealous because I got 10,000 reviews **(Al: and none of them were good reviews…)**!

Fangz to raven for the help and telling me about the books **(Everyone: -facepalm-) **, girl you rock, let's go shopping together!

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. WAYWHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily.

Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody, cum in!" **(Joe: I'd rather not do that in public if you don't mind..)**

Well we all came in angrily **(Starfish: shots and weed for everyone!)**. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started to make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo.

I ate some Count Chocula and drank some blood from a cup. Then I heard someone shooting angrily.**(Pip: do you all have any other emotions besides 'horny', 'depressed' and 'angry'?)**

I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at each other.

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You f*cking bustard!"yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit **Joe: everyone broke out in immature giggles..)** next to her!"

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't f*cking like you, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No f*ck you motherf*cker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire.

And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in that way you perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbledore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe.

All the glass in the window he flew through fell apart. **(Pip: I assumed it would just fuse back together, not like it's GLASS or anything…)**

Britney, that f*cking prep, started to cry.

Vampire and Draco stopped fighting…I stopped eating **(Kodi: om nom nom…)**. Everyone gasped. The room fell silent…Voldemort.

"Eboby…Ebony…" Darth Valer said evilly in his raspy voice"Thou have failed your mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before thenI shall kill Draco too!"

"Please don't make me kill him please!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me.

Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic **(Al: more like 'creepy' and 'fucked up' if you ask me…)**.

. I had a vision where I saw some lighting flash and then Voldemort coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.**(Starfish: up the road not across the street just fyi.) **

"No!" I screamed sexily **(Kylie: -tries to scream sexily. Ends up sounding like a dying kitten.)**. Suddenly I locked upand stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony are you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly **(Pip: yup, there's the second emotion.) **as I got up.

"Everything's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensitive.

"No it's not!" I shouted angrily **(Pip: and back to angry…)**.

Tears of blood **(Kylie: I think you have stigmata which is hilarious for so many reasons.) **went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in the Ring 2!"

"It's ok girl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe you should ask Professor Sinister **(Joe: OH MY GOD SINISTER LIKE TRIPP TRIBBET OH MY GOD GUYS THIS IS ACTUALLY COOL.) **about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said sadly and then we went.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

AN: Preps stop flaming the story you're just jealous **(Al: of WHAT? Being hated by just about EVERYONE?) **so f*ck you ok go to h*ll. Raven fangz for the help!

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Professor Trevolry**(Joe: who?)** about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister **(Joe: SINISTER! I LOVE YOU!)** in Japanese.

She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. **(Kylie: I don't think this is the Sinister you were thinking of, Joe…)**

She's the coolest f*cking teacher ever **(Kylie: no, the coolest teacher ever was the Oversoul-Vessel-Buddha-Jesus with a haircut-SIR.**. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. **(Al: all hair is dead. Unless you're like Joe, then your hair is DREAD. Get it? Huh? Huh? –sobs-)**

(her mom was a vampire. She's also half Japanese so she speaks it and everything **(Kodi: BULL. SHIT.)**. She and B'loody Mary get along grate) She's really young for a teacher.

Today she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress **(Kylie: today, Kodi and I went to the comic book store. We found El Superbeasto comics.)**.

We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. **(Joe: who what now?)**

I raised my hand. I was wearing some black nail Polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked.

"Hey I love your nail polish where'd you get it, Hot Topic?" **(Al: where else would you get your shitty cosmetics?)**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger "Well I have to talk to you about some things. When do you want to do it?"

"How about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class f*cking dismissed everyone." Professor Trevolry said and she let everyone go. **(Kodi: best class ever! Let's go get high and contemplate life!)**

"Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and some other preps.

"Please do exorcize (geddit) **(everyone: NO.) ** 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lots of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried that Draco is going to die. **(Pip: oh how I hope he does…in such painful and bloody ways…)**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it. **(Al: Crystal balls? Really? Come on!)**

"What do you see?" she asked.

I said "I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram" **(Kylie: WHAT KIND OF SYMBOLS ARE THOSE!? YOU DUMB BITCH!)**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park **(Pip: Linkin Park is not gothic in any way shape or form. …aAnd? is moe goth than them. Speaking of, my band …aAnd? is currently booking shows. Hit us up!**

**Everyone: SHAMELESS.) **t-shirt and black Congress shoes.

"Okay, you can go now, see ya c*nt." **(Joe: this is an insult I can get behind!)** said Professor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **(Kodi: you were on display? Just…really?)**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

AN: Stop flaming ok if you don't then I'll tell Justin to beat you up

And I'll tell althenredz to put viruses in your computer! **(Al: ooooh, I'm terrified!) **F*ck you!raven fangz for the help!

I was so excited. I followed Draco wondering if we were going to do it again. (Joe: oh god I hope not…) We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony, what the f*ck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco putting his gothic white hand with black nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant tomorrow. I grumbled in a sexy voice **(Kylie: -tries grumbling in a sexy voice. Sounds like the whimpers of a starving puppy-)**.

He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. **(Joe: I…I…are you…are you retarded?)**

He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tilingof each other's cloves fervently **(Joe: no. No. NO DAMMIT STOP NOBODY WANTS TO READ YOUR SHITTY SEXUAL MOMENTS)**.

He took off my black thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black … he put his throbbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **(Joe: his throbbing you know what into your TOOL. Bitch just shut the fuck up and retake health class.)**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an o*****. We started frenching passively. **(Pip: how do you make out passively? "Here let me kind of put my tongue in your mouth but I don't really care about what you do with it…") **Suddenly… I fell asleep.

I started having a dream. In it a black guy **(Kodi: now we're getting racial! Good job, you officially suck dick on every level of awful.) **was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't f*cking kill us!" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. **(Pip: not black!? Are you sure!?)**

"No! Oh my f*cking god!" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes **(Kylie: but in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER BEFORE you said they were red? Which one is it?)**.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his black Linkin Park mobile. **(Al: your Linkin Park mobile, he has a fucking Linkin Park phone?)**

But the worst thing was who the people who were shot in the dream were…Lucian and Serious **(Starfish: -headdesk-)**!


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26.

AN: Preps stop flaming the story ok! If you don't like the story then go f*ck yourself **(Joe: don't mind if I do…) **you f*cking prep! You suck! Oh, and I wasn't being rasist ok! **(Kodi: oh but you were. YOU SO WERE.)**

A few minutes later Vampire came to the tree. He was wearing a black leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Charlotte t-shirt. **(Kodi: Today I re-dyed my hair and put purple streaks in it. It looks pretty cool.)**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob.**(Kylie: how can you be flirty and also sobbing? I've tried, it doesn't work.)**

Draco hugged me sexily trying to comfort me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh f*ck it!" Vampire shouted angrily!. He started to cry sadly. "What f*cking dick did that!"

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have to tell Dumbledore."

We ran out of the tree and into the castle. Dumblydorwas sitting in his office.

"Sire our dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wiped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dream." **(Joe: yeah, after you had horrible passive sex with her, she fucking passed out. RUDE.)**

Dubleodore started to cockle.

"Hahahaha! And How do you aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional **(Kylie: …what? Don't you mean, "How do you expect me to believe this Mary Sue who has ruined our universe?")**

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherf*cker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (see is that out of character?) **(Starfish: yeah, it is.)**.

"You know very well that I'm not decisional. **(Kylie: ok seriously I don't even know what you're saying anymore.) **Now get some f*cking ppl out there to look for Seriesand Lucian- pronto!"

"Okay." he said in an intimated voice. "Where are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said **(Pip: I know that is supposed to be London, but I keep seeing it as LongDong.)**.

I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them.

After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. **(Al: well that was a waste of words…)**Draco, Vampire, and I all left to our rooms together.

I went with Draco to wait in the nurse's office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **(Al: Does anyone expect any different from these bitches?)**

We looked at each other's gothic, depressed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers…and Professor Sinister was behind them! **(Pip: these aren't even cliffhangers anymore, they're just sentences with exclamation points…)**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27. vampires will never hurt you

**Frankie G: Hi guys! It's me, Frankie G, from the super sexy Skeleton Kid. The guys and Kylie went to go get food so they asked us to do this for a bit, us being me, Timmy C, and Josh D. So let's go before I get too drunk to type!**

AN: You know what! I don't give a f*ck what you preps think about me!

So stop flaming the f*cking story bichez!

Fangz to raven for your love and support and help, I love you girl, sorry I couldn't update lol I was really depressed and I slit my wrists I had to go to the hospital. (Frankie: I FUCKING DOUBT IT.) raven you rock girl!

Everyone in the room started to cry happily- I had saved them. **(Timmy C: from what? Escaping this crap?)**

Draco, Lucian, Serious and Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine

"Come on Enoby." said Professor Sinatra.

She was wearing a gothic black leader dress with a corset top and real vampire blood on it and f*cking black platinum **(Josh: why the random 'fucking' in there? Just say black boots so you don't sound like a13 year that knows cuss words…) **boots."I have to tell you the f*cking perdition."

I looked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a dark room.

I had changed, Professor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. (Frankie: I hate to be the party pooper here but does it always need to be black? Could we do purple? That's still gothic!)

She said…"Tara, I see dark times are near." She said badly **(Timmy: Ain't that the damn truth…)**. She peered into the balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had.

"When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he got his heart broken, do you think he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. "You must go back in time and seduce him. **(Frankie: back up, miss Mary Sue, I got this seducing thing down.) **It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did death's touch sign. I went outside again sadly

"What f*cking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire. "Yeah, what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and B'loody Mary? **(Josh: random question mark!)**

I was about to tell them but everyone was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being found. Everyone was proud of me**(Josh: I'm not proud of you, you're a whore.)** but I just wanted to talk to Draco. They were cheering my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumbledore. A banner was put up. Lots of f*cking preps were there obviously trying to be goffik wearing the HIM sign on their hands. **(Timmy: do you mean the heartagram? How can you be 'goth' and not know that it's called the heartagram?) **despite them not having aksh*lly heard of him

Even looked happy. A black and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyle set up some fireworks in the shape of skulls from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes

I put on my invisibility cloak with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside together. **(Timmy: can we stop now please, this story is making me sick.)**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28.

AN: I said stop flaming the story it was a mistake when Professor Trelory said that ok **(Timmy: that is such bullshit, I hope Michael Myers guts you and then Leatherface eats you and Jason Voorhees makes a chair out of your bones.)**! Go to f*cking h*ll! You suck! Fangz to filyfor the help! Raven have fun with kiwi!

We went into a black room. The walls were black with portraits of gothic bands like MCR **(Frankie: oh I like My Chemical Romance, why do you have to ruin them for me!)**, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red velvet lined the black box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skulls in them. I was wearing a black corset bar with purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a black leather thong underneath. **(Timmy: That outfit sounds hot but not on you….)**

I sat down one of the chairs dispersedly. So did Draco and Vampire

"Are you okay?" Vampire asked putting his alabaster hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing black nail polish with red crosses on it.

"Yeah I guess." I said sadly. Draco also put his hand on mine sexily **(Frankie: I put my hand on Timmy's 'sexily' and he tried to beat me with a lawn chair.) **. I smiled sadly with my black lipstick. "The problem is…I have to seduce Volxemort **(Frankie: nooo, I'll do it! I'm an expert in the art of seduction!)**. I'll have to go back in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. **(Timmy: oh how manly!)**

"It's okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? You're not gonna break up or anything, are you?"

"Of course not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then…I took off Draco's MCR shirt and seductively took of his pants. He was hung like a stallone **(Josh: I suppose the Stallones could be 'hung' as you put it but don't quote me on that..)**. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He looked exactly like Gerard Way.

Vampire took a video camera. (I had said it was ok before

I took of my clothes then we were in the ride of are lives. **(Timmy: wow, you're making a sex tape? No, no, keep denying you're a slut, we TOTALLY believe you.)**

We started frenching as we climbed into the coffin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel you I need to feel you. **(Frankie: LET ME FEEL YOU, JOSH! I NEED TO FEEL YOU!) **" he screamed as we got an o*****. We watched, Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly…

"WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING!" **(Josh: they're having really gross and awkward sex, ma'am!)**

It was…Snope and Professor McGoggle!


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29.

AN: Shut the f*ck up! You're just jealous 'cause you're preps so f*ck you! **(Timmy: I'm not jealous. Frankie are you jealous?**

**Frankie: I'm not jealous, are you jealous, Joshy?**

**Josh: I'm not jealous.)** Raven you rock girl fangz for the help MCR ROX 666!

"Oh my Satan!" we screamed as we jumped out of the coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

"COME NOW!" Preacher McGongel yelled. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop grabbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the f*ck!" Vampire shouted angrily. **(Frankie: retribution! Yes!)**

"Yeah buster what the f*ck are you going to do with the f*cking camera?" Draco demanded all protective, looking at me longingly with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumblehor knows your little secret and if you do this again, then you will go to St. Mango's. So give back the camera!"

"Hahahaha the Mystery of Magic thinks he is crazy there is no way they will believe him." Snooplaughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mouth you insolent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us come into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these weird tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive **(Timmy: crying men are so unattractive, just ugh…) **(geddit 'cause he's a sexbomb lol Tom Felton rules for life but not as much as Gerard, you're sex on legsI love you, you f*cking rock, marry me!) (Frankie: no! He's marrying ME! Not you!)

I started to cry tears of blood (it happens in vampire chronicles **(Timmy: I swear to god if you ruin those books for me I'm getting a butcher knife and ripping your shitty 'goth' clothes to shreds.)**, raven said so okso f*ck you!).

Vampire took out a black handkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes**(Frankie: didn't she say they were ice blue only a few chapters ago? That's what she said, yeah?)**

And then… he and Snoop both took out guns using magic.

They started to shoot each other angrily. None of the ballets got on each other yet. I took out my wand.

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap started to scream he dropped the gun

But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets **(Josh: Swan Lake mafia!)**

I stopped the curse. Professor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up

She took out a box of tools. Then she said "OK Serverus I'm going to go now" She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the video you took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips **(Frankie: this story just got 10 times SEXIER!)**! **(Timmy: get the fuzzy handcuffs and ball gags!)**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30.

AN: Stop flaming the story ok you don't know what's even gonna happen ok **(Timmy: I can make an educated guess…)**!

So full you! If you flame you will be a prep so all flamers can kiss my ass

Sorry for sorry for saying Alzheimer's is dangerous but that is the mystery's opinion 'cause society basically sucks. Fangz to raven you rock bitch!

"No!" we screamed sadly. Snap started loafing meanly

He took out a camera anvilly.

Then… he came towards Dark!

He took some stones out of his pocket. He put the stones around Draco and lit a candle. **(Frankie: Dumb wizards, doin' magic and shit, damn.)**

"What the f*ck are you doing!" I shouted angrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He pulled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-what **(Josh: a dark mark on his dick oh that is just the icing on the cake.)**!

He waved his wand and a knife came. He gave the knife to me.

"You must stab Vampire." he said to me. "If you don't then I'll rape Draco" (Timmy: I like how you throw rape around so casually, that's great.)

"No you f*cking bastard!" I yielded.

But then Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes that looked so depressed and sexy. He looked exactly like a pentagram (lol geddit 'cause I'm a Satanist) **(Frankie: what? What am I supposed to get?) **between Kurt Cobain (Timmy: before or after the shotgun blast to the head?) and Gerard.

But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too with his goffik black hair. I thought of the time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumbledore came **(Josh: wait, he CAME? Why would you WANT to remember that!?)** and the time where Draco almost committed suicide and Vampire was so sportive

Snape laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort.

He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes **(Frankie: damn, this is gay as fuck. I can say that by the way, I'm gay.**

**Timmy: you really shouldn't say it though…**

**Frankie: yet I still will.)**, whipping Draco and Vampire.

Suddenly an idea I had. I closed my eyes and using my vampire powers **(Timmy: could it be your…TELEPATHY?)** I sent a telepathic massage to Draco and Vampire so they would distract Snape.

"Dumbeldork will get you!" Draco shouted.

"Yeah, just wait until the Mystery finds out!" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculous dunderhead!" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Draco's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…

"Crosio!" I shouted pointing my wand. Snoop screamed and started running around the room screaming. Meanwhile I grabbed my black mobile and sent a txtto Serious **(Timmy: couldn't you just send an owl? Or some kind of wizardy message?) **. I stopped doing crucio

"You dunderhed! I'm going to kill-" shouted Snape but suddenly Serverus came **(Frankie: not in front of the children, that is just wrong Severus!)**.

Snake put the whip behind his back. "Oh hello, say I was just teaching them something." he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Professor Trevolry came into the room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put them around Snap. Then Professor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."

(Kylie: out of our seats, boys! We have….12 more chapters left- JESUS FUCK ARE YOU KIDDNG ME!?)


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31.

AN: I said shut the f*ck up you quiephs (Joe: JESUS but you're foul.)

Stop calling Ebony a Mary Sue ok! You don't even know what's going to happen ok so f*ck you! Fangz to my BFF raven for the help

"I always knew you were on Voldemort's side **(Starfish: yeah..that's…that's kind of common knowledge…)**, you son of a bitca (Buffy rocks!)." Serious said to Snape

"No I'm not I was teaching them something!" Snap claimed

"Oh f*cking yeah?" I took some black **(Joe: why is it black!? Does it even MATTER!?)** veritaserum out of my pocket and gave it to Serverus.

He made Snap drink it. He did angrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap.

Then Professor Sinister and Lucian made us get out with them while Snape told his secrets. Lucian took Vampire and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a million times. Professor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I was going to go back in time to seduce Volxemort **(Pip: no, you can't! Frankie already volunteered! Even though he's drunk as hell and he cannot give legal consent under the law, we're still sending him!) **.

Moving posters of MCR and Nirvana were all over. Hermione, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a black bag from Tom Rid's store.

"What's in the bag?" I asked Professor Trevolry.

"You will see." she said. I opened theebag. In it was a sexy tight low-smut **(Joe: LOW SMUT? YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!)** black leather gothic dress

It had red corset stuff and **(Kodi: we had Italian food for dinner.)** there was a slit up the leg. (Kodi: I had Penne Rosa.) I put it on. My friends helped me put on black fishnets **(Kodi: it was really good but there were too many mushrooms…)**and black pointy boots Willow had chosen.

Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blood-red lipstick

"You look f*cking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said. **(Joe: she looks like the hooker from behind the Anvil and you called her "cute".)**

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in time." said Professor Sinister. "You will have to do it in a few sessions." She gave me a black gun. **(Starfish: why would you need a gun, you're a witch and supposedly a vampire.)** I put it in a strap on my fishnets like in Resident Evil. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use the time turner to go back here." Professor Trevolry said.

Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Everyone went in front of .

"Good luck!" Everyone shouted. Darkness and Willow gave me death's touch sign. Then…I jumped sexily **(Kylie: how do you jump sexily? Is tha even possible?)** in to the Pensive.

Suddenly I was in front of the School. In front of me was one of the sexiest goth guys I had ever seen. (Joe: don't you have a boyfriend?) He was wearing long black hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had green eyes like Billie Joe Armstrong and pale white skin. He was wearing a black ripped up suit with Vans. **(Pip: wow that outfit sounds ugly. And we know ugly. We've seen Danny Toxic in a bikini.)** It was…Tom Bombadil!


End file.
